De-Escalation Phrases for Defusing Meltdowns
Sometimes, when children become extremely overwhelmed or they’re experiencing sensory overload, they have a meltdown where they lose control over their behaviours.
As a parent, these situations can be stressful for everyone involved.
Acknowledging your child’s feelings shows that you have listened to them, and can be crucial when defusing a situation; for example, ‘It must be really difficult for you … thank you for letting me know’.
Use words and phrases that de-escalate, such as:
- I wonder if…
- let’s try…
- it seems like…
- maybe we can…
- You’re not in trouble.
- I want to hear your side.
- I’m not mad at you.
- What happened?
- How can I help you right now?
- Let’s talk about this.
Tell the child what you want them to do rather than what you do not want them to do; for example, ‘I want you to sit down’ rather than ‘Stop arguing with me’.
Sometimes, no matter how carefully and skillfully you try to de-escalate a situation, it may still reach a crisis point. After any outburst or incident, always make time to debrief, repair and rebuild, or the relationship will flounder and continue to deteriorate. Problem-solve the situation and teach new behaviours where needed. Remember resolving conflicts is one of the most important skills to model.
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