Connection-Focused Parenting
To me as a parent, Connection is key.
Connection-focused parenting is based on the assumption that we are all fundamentally ‘good inside’. In other words, you are a good person and your teen is a good kid.
This might sound deceptively simple. Of course, our kids, and we as parents are good inside. But stay with me here. It is easy to hold onto our idea of goodness when everything is going right. When we are calm and regulated. When our kids are behaving as we believe that they should.
However, when our kid has just had a meltdown. We argued with our partner about how we handled a parenting situation. Or we are exhausted, overwhelmed and ‘over it’ it is very easy to see the worst in ourselves, our partner or our teen. It is very easy to believe that we are ‘bad inside’.
Connected parenting is a combination of limits and boundaries along with gentleness, close attachment, love and connection. It allows me to communicate, teach, and relate to my kids on a deeply personal level.
Respectfully listening and tenderly nurturing the full spectrum of my kid’s emotions and feelings. Be mindful not to shut them down when they are mad or angry, but instead help them process their big feelings by staying close, keeping calm and connected and modelling empathy as their emotions move through them. For me, It is also about staying connected to myself as a parent and making sure I take care of my own needs, in order to manage my own stresses and worries.
In other words, prioritise my relationship with my kids.
Connected Parenting: New Name for an Old Idea:
- Connected parenting is about ensuring that your children TRUST you.
- You want them to predict what mum or dad would do in any given circumstances
- Communication is key as it builds your children’s resilience
- No two kids are alike
- As a parent apologize when you are wrong. ( I know it’s hard)
- Etiquette, discipline and manners are still relevant irrespective of where in the world you are raising kids
- Practice age-appropriate discipline and conversation
Parenting has singularly been the most rewarding and hardest job I have ever done. It is so complex! I know firsthand, that when things are hard it can make you believe that you are doing it wrong, or that you are a bad parent. The model of parenting most of us grew up with was authoritarian parenting, which is based on fear. Connection parenting is based on love instead of fear.
So, my husband and I have both an authoritarian and permissive parenting style but as our kids grew, we realized connected parenting helps build a relationship that allows our natural instincts to guide our parenting choices; especially when raising a teenager. The backbone of this parenting style puts mental health and emotional life as the top priority for both child and parent.
You Are Good Inside
If no one has told you lately, You are good inside, my friend! You are a good parent and your children are lucky to have you!
Even if you said the wrong thing, lost your sh#t or made mistakes – You are a good parent!
If you didn’t know, delayed getting your child help or struggle to ask for help – You are a good parent!
Even if your teen is struggling, has anxiety or depression and is finding life hard – You are a good parent!
You need to be mundane; reliable, and trustworthy to the point of being boring.
If your child trusts you; the work can begin.
They won’t always like you- it won’t always be sunshine and banter (no s) but they will know that you have them- as long as you are able, as long as there is breath in your body, you have them.
That’s the beginning of #connectedparenting
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